But instead of the battle, he came in a gentle and kind way. Said he would not fight about anything and actually just wanted to hear my side of things so that he could then go away and think it through and try to 'attack' my logic independently. And then come back to me on his thoughts.
So I took him through my thoughts. And he listened. And asked for copies.
I have no idea if this was a ploy to get my guard down. But I was relieved at the end of it.
Then he started asking me to come back to him. He misses me. I miss him. "Come back. Fix me. Heal me. Put me in a cage and make sure I don't ever do that to you again".
I have spent months and months reading everything on how to survive exiting this narcissistic dance. Everything I've read says to beware this type of engagement - he will woo me back, and once I'm in his power again, he'll do even more damage than he has already done. I don't think he even intends to do that. Right now, he is completely genuine about wanting me back. But I know he will not be able to sustain it. I know that if I go back it will be the end of me. I will lose myself. I will be exchanging short term joy of reunion with the loss of long term joy. There are many relationships that do survive infidelity - I know - I've read about them. But this isn't just infidelity. This is a Narcissistic dance. It's not the same thing at all.
I must remember that I must flee now while I have the energy to do it,even thought I yearn so very much to be held by him again. Run even though I crave his arms and gentle whispers in my neck. Escape now while my body still craves his touch.
Have I said that this is tough? Still tough!
After the meeting he sent me this email. Ugh. Now what??