Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Ready to go Play Online Again

It feels completely different this time. I started a new profile on Ashley Madison yesterday, looking to find men in a similar position to me - committed to family, but seeking some sort of magic and connection. I think I've almost completely given up on Berlin becoming that person, although I did enjoy telling him that I was back on AM. He was a bit surprised. And then asked me out for wine quite insistently the next day. And has decided to join me on my next trip to Cape Town. Once again I have absolutely NO idea whether that means anything at all. But I have decided to just live with taking him at his word that we are to be nothing but friends.

So why the sudden interest in Online Dating again? I think it was reading that book I talked about yesterday. When I realized how very common this life stage is, I suddenly thought I'm wasting a lot of time feeling lonely. I know I'm doing the work, and healing myself. But I'm also hanging around, waiting for unavailable men to respond to my messages. Ask me out. Give me a little loving attention. I'm not going to spend one more day wondering whether Berlin is going to wake up and realise we're great for each other.

Ag no. Enough already.  There must be more men out there that could give me a very different experience in my life right now.

So what's different? Well. Me actually. I'm being ruthless with my 'picking'. I've had piles of invitations, and I'm just turning down 90% of them if something isn't the way I want it. And I'm not going to give away my heart in any way unless I find someone I really like. I have already started chatting to a couple of guys today. I've asked them both to send me selfies dated today so I can be sure they're not Nigerian assholes trying to reel me into another love scam. Thanks Berlin - I learned so much about protecting myself through your experience. I've already had to view my fair share of naked penises. Delete. Bad spelling. Delete. Guys from USA and Slovenia trying their luck. Delete. Guys my son's age telling me they crave mature women and telling me how sexy I am...chuckle and delete. Someone writing Arabic. Hot, but no - delete.

And the couple of guys I've started chatting to? One is splashing his wealth all over his pics and lives in the MOST exclusive housing estate in town. Narc? Single. So even though I'm not into flashy cars and lifestyles, I thought - why not give him a go. I've actually never spent time in a life where money flows like that - see how it feels! And the other one lives nearby to me. That would make life easier for meeting up. Both are self employed.

This is what my Astro chart says today:
Oh, Capricorn, we've got a fun influence happening and it hits today: Venus is wiggling her way right into the houses associated with both creativity and romance today. This may have some of us feeling a little bit more like wine and roses, a bit less like the stern and practical. This isn't a bad thing at all- but, as usual, to get the ball rolling, it's going to be up to us. Still- our initiative will not be without rewards.

Yay!! Time to play a bit.

Maybe a date for Wednesday night?

No comments:

Post a Comment