This is the profile I set up for myself online:
I've even already managed to fit in some dates! One was with a very sexually forward guy. I enjoyed lunch with him, but after a while I needed to take a step back. He was so very into impressing me with his past sexual escapades that I eventually started feeling quite tame in comparison, and that the sacred and connected picture I have of sexual connection was disappearing into a 'been there, done that' pissing context that I hadn't even entered. But also, at some level, I saw a lot of myself in him. Stories of past relationship people which sound a lot like Narcs in his journey, one that even tried to poison him with insulin! And when I looked into the mirror of this man, I saw my own neediness and desperate need for affirmation and someone to take me home and love me. I suppose I do get a bit how Mark and Berlin were a bit overwhelmed by my emotional onslaught.
Even though I told him after our date he has not stopped texting me. With his yearning to be sexual with me. And I do not have the heart to be unkind to him about that because I so know how it feels to be him. So I'm just being gentle and unrejecting with him and let our connection emerge naturally to what it could become over time. I don't know about this one - too close to home for me? For him?
Two other dates I've been on have been just fantastic. My mate is calling them 'Bachelor 1 and Bachelor 2'. Bachelor 1 is an older man - he's 60 - and sexy in a dreamy 'come to bed' kind of way. He's strong and fit. And educated. And a wonderful conversationalist. I have been to dinner once and a movie date with him already. Our second date was much better than date one, and I find myself being relaxed and animatedly cheerful with him. Definite potential there, even though he will be the oldest guy I've ever dated. He is still married, but long term living apart from his wife. They're in an open marriage and are fully aware, like hubby and me, that they are seeing other people. I like him a lot. He's the right mix of interested, thoughtful, laid back, and 'into' me that seems to make things exciting and comfortable between us all at once.
Bachelor 1's online profile:
Bachelor 2 is 55. A very energetic and enthusiastic businessman who is clearly SUPER rich. Single. Just out of a long term relationship. Out to 'have some fun'. He and I really hit it off during our breakfast together. Gosh I liked him a lot. And he liked me back a lot. We spent the rest of the day texting furiously and getting to know each other better. There is a lot more smoldering chemistry between us. I think that if he and I didn't already have plans for our Saturday evening and the rest of the weekend, we may very well have found another moment to be together. I don't know whether he would be a good 'for now' relationship partner for me. Whether something would evolve from that which could be deeper? I must test for myself what that means to him.
And what of my heart? Well, it's interesting that both of these men are pulling my attraction, both for very different reasons. And all three of them really really seem to enjoy me, and like me back. And all of them are actively pursuing me now, which is also something I've actually never experienced at this level before. I really want to practice just enjoying this wooing phase. I mustn't rush anything. With both my Bachelors for now. Although I also want to be sure I'm being careful with both their hearts. Both feel to me to be great guys and good, solid men. My psychic friend wants Bachelor 2 for me more - she thinks #1 will 'make me cry' whereas #2 'owns his shit'. Which is an interesting insight I'll watch out for in them both. #1 is already on his 3rd marriage.
And now, just checking back into Bachelor 2's AM profile, I see he has revoked access for me to see his photos. I wonder why that is? Is he shy of me seeing them still? I did tease him about them on our date yesterday... Or has he changed his mind about me already? Or found another person he likes more?? I sent a WhatsApp message to him as soon as I saw that - I wonder how he will respond. He's on a plane right now so I guess it will be a while before I hear. Oh dear. This Online dating thing is still quite a vulnerable thing to do. Am I really up to it?