Monday, 16 February 2015

Unexpected Valentine

I have been watching myself approaching Valentine's Day with interest. There was a part of me that was so hoping that the day may bring some declaration of affection from somewhere (anywhere! how sad is that?!). Probably that 5 year old inside me, still pining away for someone to just love me. Another part of me was very sure that there would be no declaration of affection from anyone and felt a bit sad about that, being realistic about the nature of the relationships that I have with the boys in my immediate proximity right now.

And then there was the piece of me that walked towards the day of lovers with a very firm sense that this was a day to love me. That I would use the day to practice doing just that.

And so, still being in Cape Town, with my best friend, Nesta, I resolved to have a day of just being with her. And because she has little children, that involved just going along with her on all her errands and just being with her and her daughter. It was actually quite lovely - passing the day together. We had a lunch date with her husband and little son, and marveled at the beauty of Hout Bay from the decks of my favourite restaurant there, Dunes. And even though this was a place I had shared many times with my ex lover, John-the-narc, I didn't find the sad space about it (as I would have thought, it being Valentines day and all), but rather just a happy space of being with treasured friends in a beautiful place.

After a much-needed snooze in the afternoon, I headed off over to a client meeting in Noordhoek, which involved a taxi ride along Chapman's Peak drive, arguably one of the most beautiful drives in the world. The meeting with my client was peaceful and amicable, and I felt like a beach walk after that. So, instead of hailing a taxi, I just walked away from his house and down onto the beach alone.

Of course the beach in the late afternoon was the perfect spot for romantic couples to be having their sundowner moments. I walked past the little romantic huddles and just took in the love, and the beauty of the place and breathed it all in. I didn't feel desperately alone. I didn't feel sad and abandoned. I just felt at peace. Calm. Happy with the world. I was surrounded by loving couples and I just felt me. I climbed up onto the rocks for a while, and took some selfies, just to remind myself of the moment. My own Valentines Date with me.

And then I headed up towards the car park so I could call my taxi and wait on the park bench, taking in the beautiful view some more. There was an old man sitting on the bench. I sat down next to him and started playfully flirting with him. He played back. We laughed together. And then, weirdly, we started talking about work things. Turns out he's a very revered and senior Member of Parliament, and the things we talked about enthused him greatly. He wants to talk more. We'll meet again. I really liked him.

And then I got into the taxi which was driven by a writer. And philosopher. And he and I lurched straight into a deep and meaningful conversation about the nature of writing and how is helps us define our lives and experiences. I was telling him a bit about this blog and how cathartic it is for me, and some of the processes I employ to keep it truthful. And fresh. And raw and real.

And then he dropped me off at home and I went into dinner at my bestie's house. A lovely and engaging dinnner as the 3rd (and welcome) wheel with her husband.

It felt like a charmed day. Where meaningful conversations arrived unbidden and uncoerced. And magical things just landed next to me unexpectedly. I found joy in those things. And so little sadness.

I must be healing.

It felt good.

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