Monday, 13 October 2014

Berlin that a Good Thing???

I got heartsore and sad on Friday after writing the Berlin Post.  My mind went over and over the interaction. Why did he just cut me off?  What on earth happened?  It was so lovely, and so suddenly over.  So despite one of my best friend's threats (;)), I went ahead and messaged him one last time.  Sent him a quote from Pinterest saying "Before Alice got to Wonderland, she had to fall down a very deep hole".  And my message said: "Hole dealt. Back in saddle. Feeling such a nagging lack of closure. Would love to just revisit this place and understand what happened. And see what's possible. Where are you at?"

He responded.  I nearly fell off my chair!:
"I got this message via AM from a sexy young woman (or that was what she claimed to be). She wanted to meet me. I declined but she was persistent and provoked me so at some stage I said what the hell OK then let's meet. Partly because I was curious and partly because I just wanted my peace. That's when the trap snapped shut. "So Berlin...." and then a whole barrage of accusations followed by a woman I met on AM who thought she had exclusive rights to me. I wasn't even sure if I really wanted to meet that fake girl but to you I was the bad dishonest asshole that deceived you. You seemed to be very proud that I walked into your trap or that it seemed as if I had. I only chatted with two women on AM. Only one of them called me Berlin!"

I must say, some of this was very confusing to me - he has somehow caught me up in his head with someone else and baled instead of interrogating it.  Or something.  So I responded and we backed and forthed a bit trying to unpack it.  I really don't think we actually did.  There seem to be gaps of logic in it which I may or may not be able to fathom at some stage.

Anyway, in the end he asked if we could be friends.  Again.  I said I'd like that.  So back on Facebook.

I feel very differently this time.  Progress?  I'm not longing.  I am just being.  If he feels like he wants to pursue something with me, then I'll consider that if he suggests it.  I think I still need explanations, and I'm not going to trust the space at all until I understand better what the hell went on really.  I just cannot risk another connection with another Narcissist, so I'll be on high alert.  I liked him a lot.  Lets see whether my  attraction was better placed this time than before. Time will tell.

I must say, though, that I do feel a lot calmer about it all today.  That nagging sense of lack of closure was digging into me like a thorn in my takkie.  Now I'm just waiting to see what, if anything, will unfold.

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