Monday, 8 December 2014

A brief check-in about Berlin

He's sick. Quite seriously, I think. The reason why he had to go to Germany so quickly was because he needs medical attention there, and he is covered medically there, but not here. So it's onto a plane with him.

If he does have the problem his doc think he does, then he'll need surgery and then have a convalescence of about 6 weeks to heal. All over there.

So current conversation of  "Why did you disappear on me really?" is on hold. And I guess we switch into a more supportive mode? He looked after me kindly as I got sicker (until he suddenly stopped!), and I will do the same. Probably without stopping this time!

For now though, we're not really checking in together much. It's the normal dance - I check in. He responds hours later. I respond straight away. He responds hours later. He says "I'm going out now, but chat later?" I say "Cool". But no chatting later. Ho hum.

I'd actually really like a candid conversation from him, so I can really know where we are at now, and where we could be at sometime in the future. Is he Lazy? Bored? Totally busy? Just Not That Into Me? Was there ever a 'We"? Am I  just irritating him by 'hanging around'? Did he move on a long time ago when he disappeared and there's not hope of finding that space again? Is he a Narc then? Was I just supply for a bit but he's bored and playing with other supply? GOD! So infuriating not knowing. I know I'm forcing the issue and not letting matters unfold the way they should, but flip.... Sigh. Maybe this one is just teaching me about being. Living now and not in the future which may or may not exist. OK. I'm going to try and let it go for a bit, OK, Nikki???

A couple of my other fav boys checked in this weekend, which was nice to touch base for a bit. One in Stellenbosch. One in Pretoria. Berlin in, well, Berlin... And then I'm going on a family holiday that will include another of my really fav boys who is completely off limits, but terribly delicious to flirt with. So I won't be completely bored, but not that much closer to getting that bloody shag!!

In the meantime I decided to try to reactivate my Ashley Madison profile. Can't get the flippen thing to work. I'm not really enjoying the Tinder thing much. Too many boys who can hardly frame a sentence...not enough of the men I enjoy there. I did like some of the men I found on AM. But now, no access! Maybe the universe is trying to keep me away from there for a bit...

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