Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Some Resources I found on Online Dating Scams

This is the last part of the conversation Saga I've had with Berlin. Here I'm sending him all sorts of resources to help him through all of this for now.

I hope they will be of use to you too.

Check this out
Holy moly!
Will read that in more detail
Google is God
There's more truth in that than you'd like to know
I spent almost 3 months in bed with only my phone for regular company. Ask me anything. .. I'll find it for you
You must tell me about that period over the second glass of wine
I intend to. It's part of the bollocking
OK just don't wack my ears too hard then, I've got hearing problems already and you want to tell me the story right?
Don't be a ninny. Music will be faced if you want to stay my friend
More bedtime reading.
Plenty topics there. . Different forums. I picked online dating but there's another on resources for victims too
Thanks Trudy, my vision us getting a bit blurry now after staring into this iPad fir so long...
But maybe it's also the Bordeaux
And your devastating day
And sleepless night
Well it started yesterday afternoon actually
Yes. So you hardly slept
And your heart went through the mincing machine
Yes, felt like a murderer
That's Fucking awful
A terrible thing to manipulate someone into
Sleep now Berlin
Tomorrow might hurt more. You'll need your strength
You too Trudy!! Thanks for helping me!!!
Ain't life odd
It is!!
Here is a VERY useful page
You were up early. All ok?
This one Berlin. I think it's important to you. Just as an outside person: you were horribly wounded as a child by your dad's abuse. This thing that was done to you now is also cruelly abusive. And again horribly wounding.
It will be so very sore in a while and for a while.
But reading pieces like this will help you see you're not alone and your pain is normal
I'm putting it here to make sure you read it
It is perfectly normal and even healthy to grieve. A love scammed victim has been emotionally wounded. Like all wounds it takes time to heal. Our minds do not forget pain quickly, but it does lessen over time, otherwise no woman would ever give birth a second time.

Tears do help. I believe they are cathartic. I read somewhere that a chemical analysis of tears under different circumstances shows that different proteins, chemicals, toxins and hormones are shed from the body, depending on why the tears are shed. This suggests to me that there's a reason for them. I don't think men should hold them back, either.

The Kübler-Ross model first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying", outlines a grieving process that I believe is beneficial to anyone who's been emotionally damaged. This would certainly apply to victims of romance scams, as well.

The stages are:

1. Denial: Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me!"

2. Anger: Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "How can this happen, I hate this world!" (Or I hate my scammer, or I hate the person who informed me, or I hate all scammers-Africans-Russians-liars, etc.)

3. Bargaining (Or rationalizing): Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything, can't you stretch it out? A few more years." I will give my life savings if..." (Or, "Maybe if he confesses and asks my forgiveness, or maybe if he really loves only me, or maybe if he's not too bad looking or too young for me, or maybe he was forced to do what he did because of hardship . . .)

4. Depression: Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?" (Or, I'm really an idiot, stupid, dumb, etc. Certainly not worth anything to a real lover.)

5. Acceptance: Example - "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it." (I'm not going to let this happen to anyone else.)

I hope this helps a little. I wish I could offer more. The best advice I can give is to treat being scammed like a divorce or death, go a little nutty for a short while and then come back stronger and wiser.
And here's an interesting insight. Originally written in german i think. Summarised here:
Oh dear. I feel like I'm bombarding you while you sleep. I'm just worried for you. ..
Ok last thing: everything I've read in on that romancescam site consistently says 'do not respond to any people connected to the scam' they're all characters designed to scam you. Ig.ore them. They threaten but they're pc jockeys and do not follow through on their threats. They're likely to be mad that you caught onto them right at the climax of the scam and didn't give them money, which would have been the next steps. So no ROI. ignore ignore ignore. Keep safe, Dom.
a few seconds ago

OK thanks Trudy! You're a true friend!! Maybe I just made a mistake by answering to that woman who's message I sent you yesterday. She said she's been scammed and wants her husband to know that she never had an affair with me. Apparently they were trying to blackmail her like that. I just confirmed that I never had an affair with her and that I will assist the police in this matter. That's all. Just in case this woman really is being blackmailed.
Hi. You're up. How are you?
I'm OK actually. Just like in step one No I really am quite OK, I'm mainly worried what they'll do next. They know everything about my family and even have pics of my girls
I understand your concern. But the literature says they don't follow through on threats. Their domain is cyberspace. If they get no response from you on ANYTHING they'll cut their losses and move on to their other victims they're playing simultaneously
But the threats are very scary. Ignore.
Jeez.... Will read a bit of your literature now...

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